all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
