im gay
i know
yea but for you.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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