You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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