You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
