Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I cut my penus on the lid.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
