chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Randomize
