I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
