Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
