She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
We talked him into tasing himself.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
