So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
