I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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