Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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