This is not my ceiling
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
