like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
its liver damage thursday
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