I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
