She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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