Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
