I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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