I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
