never play flip cup with pint glasses
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
