Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
