HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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