wakey wakey hands off snakey
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
