I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
