It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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