TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
