Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
