There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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