Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize