if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
