He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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