And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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