Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I'm eating all of the evidence.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
