Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
