That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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