Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
