Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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