How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
