At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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