im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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