my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
