I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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