that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize