sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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