things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
