we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
