Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
NoShamevember. You game?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
