i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Randomize
