Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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