It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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