we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
