If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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