your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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