In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
