Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
