So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
