so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
