i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
