i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
