I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
