question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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