So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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