So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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