so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
