yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
