Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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