So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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