Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
